The kids have been at Kelley's house the past couple nights, and in that time, Eliah has had three seizures. The first one he had last night, Kelley had to resuscitate him. And my first response was, "Poor baby". Then I worried about what Kelley was going through, because I know how it feels to be in that moment. There was nothing I could do from here, so I tried to go about my evening as usual. And then I got another email from Kelley, expressing his concern about putting Eliah in his bed and not knowing if he'll have another seizure during the night. I tried to reassure Kelley that it would be alright.
By the time I got to bed it hit me. As I laid there in the dark, my mind wandered. What does Eliah feel during a seizure? Is he scared? What would we do if Eliah passed away from a seizure? I thought about rushing over to Kelley's house and seeing ambulances as I pull up. I thought about who would wake Natalie up to tell her. Would she always remember that moment for the rest of her life? I thought about the surreal moment of when they confirm his death and we stand there not knowing what to do next.
Was it a premonition of things to come? That thought alone made the tears begin to flow and I could not stop. It was like I was no longer in control. The knot in my stomach ached, my heart hurt, and I wept for my family.
As I drifted off to restless sleep, I wondered....How long will this worry continue? How long will Eliah live? And how long will my strength last?
By the time I got to bed it hit me. As I laid there in the dark, my mind wandered. What does Eliah feel during a seizure? Is he scared? What would we do if Eliah passed away from a seizure? I thought about rushing over to Kelley's house and seeing ambulances as I pull up. I thought about who would wake Natalie up to tell her. Would she always remember that moment for the rest of her life? I thought about the surreal moment of when they confirm his death and we stand there not knowing what to do next.
Was it a premonition of things to come? That thought alone made the tears begin to flow and I could not stop. It was like I was no longer in control. The knot in my stomach ached, my heart hurt, and I wept for my family.
As I drifted off to restless sleep, I wondered....How long will this worry continue? How long will Eliah live? And how long will my strength last?
3 comments:
I can't say that I know exactly what you're feeling. I only know a small portion of what you're feeling and going through with worrying about a child with a health problem. It is a very sad and scary thing. I have seen how you take care of Eliah and know that he has a wonderful mother. God sent him to the right place. You are so very blessed Ann and so is Natalie as well as Eliah! You're in our prayers that you can cherish all of the time you have with that sweet spirit!
I don't really have anything constructive to say...just yeh, that must be an awful feeling =( Always praying for EMan!
This makes me so sad. I think of you and Eliah all the time.
Post a Comment